matteovietnamese
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I am 17, half-Mexican, and have been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, I have a mother who is a Registered Nurse and is a Mexican and my father is a househusband, the only person who really funds all my autism groups in real life and on Facebook and knows about autism is my mother who is in a medical profession and she continues to fund all these autism groups I go to and pay for my gym membership.
I have seen people go around saying that if you have been diagnosed with autism, that it's some form of super power or makes you think very well, I don't think that's a privilege, although we hyperfocus and think a lot, this can be a bad thing too, I used to obsess a lot over finding a girlfriend when I was younger to the point I would contact random Russian girls online and ask them to be my girlfriend when I was 15-16 years old, this led to further problems because I got sucked down different spaces online which made me felt bad and it took turning 17 years old and working out for 27 days and eating healthy to get out of it and be confident and self-improve, even though autism helped me hyper focus on working out, it also focused on things that didn't matter which really fucking sucked sometimes.
Even to this day, I still obsess over finding a girlfriend to the point I started learning Vietnamese and wanted to go to Vietnam to study abroad, because my motivations from my autism and hyperfocus cause me to do this, it's an extreme obsession of mine, and I hate it, I also flap my hands all the time and break chairs because of constant rocking and making stimming noises all the time, but I can't help it because the extreme amount of hormones from my autism plus the hyperthinking and stimulation makes me do this stuff and makes me feel ashamed, also I'm incredibly desperate to get a girlfriend and there's no way to do it in the United States so I need to go to Vietnam.
What also doesn't help is that among my siblings, I have somewhat conservative views which makes me fucked up in the head all the time, my brother turned left-wing and my sister turned left-wing, they are both leftists while I am still right-wing and there's no way to switch my views because I think in black and white because of autism, having autism and plus being driven to go to Vietnam to get a girlfriend makes me so confused and awkward, and the worst part is that my parents actually encourage this because they are conservative themselves despite my household being very egalitarian.
I honestly wish I was never born with autism, it's made me confused and socially awkward and socially fucked up, the only quality is working myself out at the public gym or house every day and eating healthy and being hyper focused on doing it because I have autism, it sucks, I wish I was born normal, and I wish people who really didn't really represent autism like this don't diagnose themselves or self-diagnose, it makes me feel invalidated, and I get too afraid to post online on forums because I get extremely afraid of socializing and shit like that, I hate myself sometimes.
I have seen people go around saying that if you have been diagnosed with autism, that it's some form of super power or makes you think very well, I don't think that's a privilege, although we hyperfocus and think a lot, this can be a bad thing too, I used to obsess a lot over finding a girlfriend when I was younger to the point I would contact random Russian girls online and ask them to be my girlfriend when I was 15-16 years old, this led to further problems because I got sucked down different spaces online which made me felt bad and it took turning 17 years old and working out for 27 days and eating healthy to get out of it and be confident and self-improve, even though autism helped me hyper focus on working out, it also focused on things that didn't matter which really fucking sucked sometimes.
Even to this day, I still obsess over finding a girlfriend to the point I started learning Vietnamese and wanted to go to Vietnam to study abroad, because my motivations from my autism and hyperfocus cause me to do this, it's an extreme obsession of mine, and I hate it, I also flap my hands all the time and break chairs because of constant rocking and making stimming noises all the time, but I can't help it because the extreme amount of hormones from my autism plus the hyperthinking and stimulation makes me do this stuff and makes me feel ashamed, also I'm incredibly desperate to get a girlfriend and there's no way to do it in the United States so I need to go to Vietnam.
What also doesn't help is that among my siblings, I have somewhat conservative views which makes me fucked up in the head all the time, my brother turned left-wing and my sister turned left-wing, they are both leftists while I am still right-wing and there's no way to switch my views because I think in black and white because of autism, having autism and plus being driven to go to Vietnam to get a girlfriend makes me so confused and awkward, and the worst part is that my parents actually encourage this because they are conservative themselves despite my household being very egalitarian.
I honestly wish I was never born with autism, it's made me confused and socially awkward and socially fucked up, the only quality is working myself out at the public gym or house every day and eating healthy and being hyper focused on doing it because I have autism, it sucks, I wish I was born normal, and I wish people who really didn't really represent autism like this don't diagnose themselves or self-diagnose, it makes me feel invalidated, and I get too afraid to post online on forums because I get extremely afraid of socializing and shit like that, I hate myself sometimes.