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All throughout the interview, I can see in the shimmer of CHAEWON’s eyes how
excited she is to set off on her new journey. A journey whose first steps she dictates herself.
You’re debuting with another girl group.
KIM CHAEWON: I wrapped up my time with IZ*ONE last year but then I became worried and uncertain about what I should do going forward. Two and a half years isn’t very long to be in a group, after all. I wanted to be in a group again because I still had a lot of dreams of things I wanted to achieve as part of a group and because I really regretted all the things I never got a chance to show off. That’s when SOURCE MUSIC told me they were making a new group and made me an offer, and the people at my previous label supported me and respected my decision, and that’s how I ended up making a fresh start somewhere new.
What helped you to make up your mind?
KIM CHAEWON: It’s not easy changing labels, being a trainee again and having to start everything over from the beginning. But I thought I would have regretted it if I didn’t do it. It’s not every day that you have an opportunity to debut with a group again, and I wanted to challenge myself, rather than take the safe way and keep myself from the things I want to do. I decided to follow my heart in the end.
What was the reaction like when you ended up in another group with SAKURA? I heard things used to be somewhat awkward between you two. (laughs)
KIM CHAEWON: You’re right. (laughs) There were a lot of members, plus we didn’t have a lot of time together. It was amazing the way I got to know Kkura better only after coming here. I never could have imagined I would be working with her again. Life throws you curveballs. (laughs) We both said we made the right choice and wished each other luck. We’re so close now that I can’t understand why we were never close back then. (laughs) She’s not one to express herself much, but now that I know her better I can tell she’s very considerate of me, and I can feel that she’s a much warmer person than I thought.
It must have been a great support for the both of you, getting this fresh start together.
KIM CHAEWON: I would have felt very anxious if I had been in this unfamiliar place by myself, but thanks to Kkura being there, I felt reassured. There were times where adjusting to trainee life and starting from the beginning again were challenging, since she never actually went through a proper trainee period and I went through mine really quickly, but whenever we felt that way there were things we could feel without even having to say anything: Ah, she’s having a hard time, or, If I feel this tired then she must be, too. I really relied on being able to know what she was feeling without having to say anything.
How did you approach restarting trainee life?
KIM CHAEWON: Since I was only a trainee for a short time before, I felt I had certain shortcomings performing with IZ*ONE, and we were so busy that I didn’t have time to improve my skills, just practice our songs, and I really regretted that. So I thought I should use this opportunity to properly experience all the parts of trainee life that I couldn’t before and work on my skills from the ground up. And dancing, I started to learn the basics again once I became a trainee. I danced in styles I never got to try before, tried freestyle, and had a lot of choreography cover assignments, too. Every week I would record my choreography, receive feedback, do supplementary practice, record again—like I was taking a test—and then I could really tell how lacking I was in the basics. That was when I realized what level my dancing was actually at. I thought, Is this all I was able to do before? (laughs)
You’re very hard on yourself. (laughs) Doesn’t thinking that way lead you to watch your old videos?
KIM CHAEWON: I watched them a lot. (laughs) For a long time I was in front of cameras, working in a bustling environment, and then suddenly I was only ever in the practice studio and couldn’t remember how I used to do it all. Even though I thought about how I did so much back then and how it must have taken a lot out of me, I could see all the places I wasn’t good enough, so then I really wanted to show off how much I had improved since then and a different side of me as soon as possible.
I imagine your debut album, FEARLESS, must mean a lot to you, given how much time and effort you have put into it.
KIM CHAEWON: The reason our debut album is so meaningful to me is because things like the entire concept and overall message were all based on interviews with us. We held so many interviews for producing the album, and I was really honest with my answers. It’s amazing the way our own thoughts and feelings went toward creating the album, and I learned a lot about myself while we were getting ready for this album—things where I never knew I felt that way—so I feel a deep affinity for the album.
What reflection of you made it to the album that you also find the most touching?
KIM CHAEWON: More than anything else, I didn’t realize until now the amount of love I have for song and dance. I think that’s why I was able to show how I have changed through the message on the album—to keep doing whatever you want to do without caring what other people think or what happened in your past, and to keep challenging yourself.
Your new vocal style really stands out. The whole album goes beyond magnifying your natural voice and is filled with the whole range of your vocals.
KIM CHAEWON: It was always nice hearing people say they liked my voice, but I was always disappointed because it felt like it started and stopped there. So I wanted to develop a more powerful voice, and I focused on trying out a new vocal style since I was a trainee again. I listened to ballads and clean-toned songs, which I always listen to, but also so many English pop songs, R&B, and a wide range of other genres I don’t normally listen to much and tried singing them differently than I would have before.
Sounds like that’s how you prepared for the title track off FEARLESS.
KIM CHAEWON: I loved how the song wasn’t typical of a girl group song and let us express something new right from when I first heard the demo version, but it was hard for me at first since it’s in a low range that I haven’t really sung in before. I always assumed it was best for me to sing in a way that sounded clear, clean and sweet. Maybe I was stuck on the idea that I had to sing that way. So I spent a lot of time thinking about whether it would suit me to sing like that and if it would sound okay. I even asked the staff if they thought it was working and they said, “It suits you. I think it shows a whole new side of you.” As I slowly gained confidence, I kept discovering this new sensation that I could do those kinds of vocals, too. I’m really happy with my vocals on the title track since I think they reveal the more powerful vocal style I was eager to pull off.
The choreography was a new style for you too, of course. Do you think it was a good fit for you?
KIM CHAEWON: When I was in IZ*ONE, we had a lot of members and our choreography revolved around all of us moving together to create scenes and formations, so there weren’t any particularly difficult movements. But there were a lot of moves in “FEARLESS” I couldn’t do very well, so I had to practice a lot. It was a little hard tackling the subtler parts, like when I have to emphasize the way I move my hips or have to control how strong I do certain moves. The moves in the chorus look simple, for example, but I consulted with the performance director a lot about what I should do to make the poses as attractive as possible, and all of us worked together and studied a lot to make that part perfect.
Your cynical facial expressions were a first for you and really drew attention to your performance. Did you have to do any individual research for that?
KIM CHAEWON: I think I did less research than with my previous group, actually. I think it ended up sounding better because the concept and lyrics came from what we said, so I was really immersed in it. (laughs) I made that expression in the chorus without even knowing it, then found out when I was reviewing the video that I really liked the expression and tried to develop that part further.
I think your appearance has changed and grown in many ways and that it’s cleverly exhibited through the visual aspects of the album. How do you personally feel about your image, now that it differs from your previous one?
KIM CHAEWON: My hairstyle, makeup and clothing were all different, so it was a little awkward at first, but generally speaking I think I enjoy trying new things. I found out I had it in me to pull off the look, and I really liked that new side of me and felt proud about it. I think it’s a natural reflection of my feeling of making a new start for myself.
You weren’t worried that the fans would find it too different?
KIM CHAEWON: To be honest, I never worried about that. (laughs) But, if I can express myself even better in the future, I think viewers will just naturally accept me for me.
“Blue Flame” must be very meaningful for you, too, since you took on the challenge of writing some of the lyrics.
KIM CHAEWON: The label opened up participation in writing the lyrics and melody for every song to us members and adopted a system of choosing our contributions blindly. I just wanted to give it a try even if nothing was going to get chosen, so I tried my hand at practically all of them. They ended up putting in something I wrote for one of GARAM’s parts in the verse, which I’m really happy about. (laughs) I remembered hearing that blue flames are hotter than red flames and I tried to incorporate that. When I wrote lyrics before, I used to write exactly what I was thinking and feeling, but now I’m starting to think about how to express things in a more interesting way. I would like to continue to contribute to making the albums in the future, too.
I can tell you’re feeling confident with your fresh start as a part of LE SSERAFIM.
KIM CHAEWON: This album seriously contains everything we’re looking to say right now and I think there will be lots of people who will relate to our songs. All of the members have their own situations to deal with, but we all think and feel a similar way, so I want to fully convey our group’s messages and arouse sympathy through our songs and performances. And I want to color those things clearly with LE SSERAFIM’s unique sound.
How did you end up getting closer with the other members?
KIM CHAEWON: I’m a really shy person, so I’m not someone who tries to talk to others first, but I also realized that maybe the younger members might have a hard time. I made a serious effort to try and be the one to approach them first and get close to them in my own way. We practice together all day, every day, and go through this and that together, and because of that, I want to take better care of them more and more. I can’t wait for my love for our group and the other members to grow even more. (laughs)
It must have taken a lot of effort to learn to work together as a team in such a short time.
KIM CHAEWON: Zuha used to be a ballet dancer and Kkura has already been working for 10 years now, but there are other members who are still young and just starting out—they’re still sprouting. (laughs) We all have very different personalities, ages and backgrounds, but we didn’t really have to try too hard to become a team. It’s an environment where we try to help each other out with everything and practice is really easy-going since we’re free to give feedback and ideas where it’s needed without worrying about seniority. I think it was a very natural process since we were only ever thinking about the group. Everyone is so kind.
I can already see the leader in you. (laughs) How did you end up becoming the leader?
KIM CHAEWON: I used to be the kind of person who did whatever other people told me to do and just took things as they came to me (laughs) but now there are many younger people with me and I have all this accumulated experience so I was leading without even realizing it. When the label watched us after that, they said they wanted me to be the leader and asked me to think about it. Even among all my extended family I’m the youngest, so it was always me being looked after by others, and I’ve never been responsible for leading someone else, ever. I was worried whether or not I could do it, but I figured, well, I’m sure it will work out if I just do it. (laughs) Because they say people always rise to the challenge. (laughs)
As leader and someone who already has experience in the field, what kind of help do you usually provide to the other members?
KIM CHAEWON: When we practice for live performances, I tell them how to put on their mics and how the procedure will go, or Kkura and I will tell them a bunch of little things so that they will be ready for the real thing. Personally, I want to take care of the other members’ emotional side. I think I have a lot to say about that aspect and I want to be the kind of leader they can rely on emotionally.
I guess it must be important to express yourself emotionally when in that role. You once said, however, that you’re sad that you are not good enough at doing that. Has that changed at all now?
KIM CHAEWON: I don’t think even I knew myself very well back then. And I think that naturally made expressing anything difficult. I’m in the process of getting to know myself now, and although I’m still really shy (laughs) I think I’m a lot better at expressing what I’m feeling now than I was before. Including to the fans.
What do you think about your fans?
KIM CHAEWON: I’m so grateful but I also feel bad that they had to keep waiting for nearly a year. But I want to tell them that I really, really wanted to see them, too. I’m serious when I say that even during my hiatus I was able to hold on thanks to following my supporters. And I worked harder because of their anticipation. So I really hope that, once we start promoting, they realize how much effort I have been putting in. To be honest, I just hope they, you know, keep an eye on me. (laughs)
You said in the last interview you did that you wanted to hear fans say you’re doing a good job. What are you hoping for now?
KIM CHAEWON: Now I want to hear them say “you’re doing a good job” with confidence. Good job. You’re amazing. (laughs) I’m curious and looking forward to what I will be capable of in the future, too, just like the fans are. (laughs)
Credit
Article. Yejin Lee
Interview. Yejin Lee
Visual Director. Yurim Jeon
Project Management. Haein Yoon, Jiyeon Lee
Visual Creative Team. Nu Kim, Yujoo Kim, Gabriel Cho, Yoon Cho (SOURCE MUSIC)
Photography. Hyea W. Kang / Assist. Heehyun Oh, Yonguk Shin, Jiwon Yang, Dongchan Lee
Hair. Yeojin Jang, Hamin (BIT&BOOT)
Makeup. Minji Kim (BIT&BOOT)
Stylist. Woomin Lee / Assist. Siyoung Choi, Gihyun Oh
Flower Styling. YIYUNJU (FLOWER PLEASE)
Artist Protocol Team. Ah Ri Kim, Nayeon Son, Jeong Ik Lee, Eun Joo Lee (SOURCE MUSIC)
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While talking with SAKURA, a line from “Blue Flame” came to mind: “Blue, hotter than the flame.” Even with her calm, articulate way of speaking, there was no hiding the heat from her passion—a flame that has been burning for 12 years.
You’re debuting for the third time, this time with LE SSERAFIM.
SAKURA: This feels different, for sure. The first time I debuted was in Japan when I was 13, but I was so young that I didn’t know anything about being an idol. But LE SSERAFIM will likely be my last debut and my last group, so I really want to do well.
You have already found quite a lot of success in both Japan and Korea. Still, it must have been a difficult decision to debut again outside of your home country.
SAKURA: I knew I wanted to keep being an idol. I’ve found so much joy in the relationship with my fans over the more than 10 years I’ve been an idol and I just thought about how I want to do as many performances as possible with them there. And I’m not yet fully satisfied with my own performances, so I wanted to show them something that shows more of the way I’m growing, too. I figured any path I chose would be difficult, and I thought I wouldn’t regret choosing this one. It was harder than I thought, though. (laughs) I actually didn’t go through a trainee period, so this was the first time I practiced this much for so long before debuting. I really think I needed the time. I took Korean lessons for the first time, and I took lessons to practice vocals and dance from the basics, which was nice. It was hard, but it was an important and meaningful time for me, looking back.
What was the hardest part?
SAKURA: Whenever I’m having a hard time, I usually think, This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But this time it really was the hardest thing. (laughs) When I was working as an idol, I was used to performing on stage for fans, but it’s different as a trainee, when it isn’t being shared with the world. I can’t believe how closely the fans paid attention to my performances—they would tell me I did a good job and give me detailed feedback. I was anxious about whether I was doing well or improving without hearing that kind of encouragement. It taught me how important it is to have fans. I want to show them what I can do now as fast as humanly possible.
Now that you have gone through all these tough new experiences like changing labels, studying Korean and being a trainee, what are you looking forward to showing to the world?
SAKURA: I would say the biggest challenge for CHAEWON and me was wanting to present something we’ve never shown before. If you look at the lyrics to “FEARLESS,” our debut song, that’s really about us. When I saw the lyrics, I thought, Why shouldn’t I be allowed to do what I want? To be honest, I think there are going to be people who will see the new me and feel confused and have a hard time accepting it. The lyrics even say, “Telling me to hide my desire, that’s weird.” I felt the same way throughout my 10 years of being famous.
SAKURA’s pants by sLosLowLee and shoes by Dr. Martens.
I think you were worried about showing off this new side of yourself, in a way.
SAKURA: I wasn’t without my worries. People who have liked me till now could end up thinking, What happened to the Kkura I used to like? But people can’t always stick to the same thing, and their capacity for expressing themselves and the things they can say will change based on how old they are. I think the fact that I keep challenging myself makes me cool, plus I think trying new things is the only way to keep growing. Even if the way I look on stage has changed, I’m still the same old Sakura Miyawaki. The SAKURA who loves gaming won’t change—the only time I will change is when I’m on stage. I want to show people who I really am.
The way you look so confident and aloof in “FEARLESS” and do that low chant in the chorus without raising your voice is something we have never seen from you before.
SAKURA: The first time I heard the song, I was so happy that I screamed. (laughs) But it was the first time for me to try that style of song and choreography, so I was also worried whether I could handle it. I used to always try to use this beautiful singing voice, but the producer, 13, told me I had to really feel it if I was going to pull at peoples’ heartstrings, so I tried to think about the meaning of the lyrics and why it was we were singing this particular song while recording. The song is what we wanted to say for real, so even when we danced, the way we expressed ourselves and moved all felt natural. I feel like it’s the kind of performance where you don’t need to sugar-coat anything, just be yourself.
You pull off a high falsetto in the chorus for “Blue Flame,” even though it’s the first time for us to hear those kinds of vocals from you.
SAKURA: Let me just say that it was hard with all those English lyrics. (laughs) Since I’m studying English now and there were some hard parts in the song, I was really careful with my pronunciation. I got a lot of help from YUNJIN since she’s so good at English. And I used to mostly just practice Korean pop songs, but I have been practicing English pop songs for the first time ever since I came to this label, so the way I vocalize has changed and I have had different kinds of experiences with singing. I’ve always felt pressure about singing, so I was always nervous going into the recording studio, but now I think positive—This is so fun! I want to get even better—even when practicing for live performances.
How has it been getting ready for performances? There are countless moves in “Blue Flame” that draw from the basics, but at the same time I’m guessing you had to practice a lot in order to get the details lined up just right with the other members.
SAKURA: It took a long time for us to sync up when we practiced “FEARLESS” since it was our first time together, I guess. But after working on lining up our performances for that song so much, “Blue Flame” didn’t take long to practice, and all the details fell into place, even though we hardly had any training for it. And we all said, “We’re really becoming a team now!” (laughs) I have this huge iPad that we take videos with every day and we play it back and break it down slowly—seriously, second by second—and we work on anything we find where we aren’t matching up, so now my iPad is completely full of … there’re so many videos. (laughs) And sometimes we watch old videos together and say, “We got a lot better.” I’m almost always in the practice studio when I’m not sleeping, and that makes me feel like it’s all worthwhile. I’m really proud of all of us.
What did you and CHAEWON talk about while practicing with your new group? Even though you were in IZ*ONE together, too, some things must have been new to you since it’s in a different environment.
SAKURA: CHAEWON is so different now. There were several other, older members and even a leader when we worked together last time, so I never saw her talk about practice. But we’re the oldest ones in LE SSERAFIM, so we have to guide the younger members. I was still really surprised to hear something like, “This part isn’t working, so let’s practice it more,” coming from her, though, and I thought she was really cool when she said that. We didn’t talk much when we were getting ready for the debut, either, but we could understand each other with just a look. I told her there’s no way I ever could have come this far without her, and she said she felt the same way, which made me feel grateful. CHAEWON and I never really used to tell each other about the difficulties we were facing, but now we’re so comfortable that we can talk more and more about any difficulties or concerns we have even when we’re in front of the other members.
It sounds like the tight bond between all the members is what makes it possible to talk through the difficult parts.
SAKURA: It’s amazing how close we are and how well we get along even though we haven’t been practicing together long. (laughs) It took a little while for the members of the group to be decided. There were a couple times where we had a hard time with having to practice every single day even though we didn’t know when we could debut, too. But, looking back, I guess we had to have those hard times in order to get the six of us all together. If even one of us had chosen a different path, we never could have been able to get together. I could have been working in Japan, CHAEWON taking a different path, YUNJIN studying in the US—so I think it was fate. I used to have an individualistic side and a lot of people mistook me for being cold, but now I’m more interested in looking after the other members than myself, and it’s harder to watch them struggling with something than to struggle with it myself. As the oldest member, and the one with the most experience, I want to look after all of them.
Is there something you can tell the other members based on your own experiences?
SAKURA: I want to tell them how to deal with any difficulties or concerns they might face during the debut, since they might face things similar to what I did before. A lot of things get said about you when you’re in the spotlight. It was hard at first to see people who never even met me saying things about me without knowing whether they were true or not. But there’s a 2:6:2 rule. 20% of people like you no matter what you do, 60% make a judgment call after seeing what you do, and 20% will hate you no matter what. So the way I want to see it is, whatever you do, don’t listen to the people who hate you no matter what, and just show your hardworking side to the people who judge you fairly. You can’t change what’s already happened, but if you do your best with what you’ve got, you can turn those people’s attention into support, and I think that’s the kind of future I want to let them know about.
I imagine you have a lot of thoughts to share, having been active for so long. It’s well known that you like reading and watching movies, so much so that you said you want to write a novel about your experience with being an idol. Do you also find comfort in books and movies?
SAKURA: My parents send me popular novels from Japan a month, and I get a lot out of reading them whenever I have a little time to do it. Sometimes I wonder if my life is hard because I chose to be an idol, or if I could be happy doing anything else, but when I look into people living lives I never have, I realize that everyone has it hard during hard times and feels happy during the happy times. I think that’s why I like books and movies.
You also wrote a movie column in Japan. I was really impressed with your review of Close-Knit, where you said, “We need to develop a better understanding of lgbt culture.”
SAKURA: There was actually an atmosphere of caution around idols speaking their minds around that time. But I thought I could say that anyway. Idols don’t just sing and dance on stage—they can also be role models for people, and someone who is always by their side for others. So I wanted to let people know there were others with these kinds of thoughts, and I also thought that if an idol was talking about the issue that even more people could become aware of it, too. Some day our group might sing a song about love and I have this idea that I’d like to sing about love that’s universal.
The message of “FEARLESS” is to be fearless no matter what other people think. What do you think it means to be fearless?
SAKURA: I think being fearless means admitting to your flaws. I have them, too. I struggle at times; there are times when I cry; I get depressed sometimes, too. But I don’t think, Why am I feeling this way? I really shouldn’t! Instead, I think, I guess it’s that kind of day. I should just do my best. I think you can overcome your fears by acknowledging yourself. Nobody’s perfect.
This year is the 12th year of your career and I imagine you’ve had as many good times, professionally speaking, as difficult ones. How is it you’re able to get past your fears and keep going?
SAKURA: The biggest thing is having the fans. Seriously. Not being able to talk with the fans while preparing for the debut has been really hard. It felt like losing my best friend. Having a connection with the fans is amazing. To the point that I would want to perform even if I only had one fan left. And I feel like the stage is where I belong, so no one can stop me when I’m up there. People can see it all on the stage: how much I practiced, how serious I am about the performance. The fans love seeing that, so I can’t help but love to perform.
That makes me think of something you wrote in a review of the movie The Passion of Augustine: “Maybe the reason I became an idol was for the thrill, too. In the future, I want to have the courage to take a walk on the harder side, the somewhat more dangerous side of life.”
SAKURA: I would really regret it if I chose the easy way forward. I don’t want to feel like my shining past is all behind me. It might look like I used to shine brighter because everyone has a different perspective, but when I stop and think about it, I think I feel like I’m more mature now than ever before, so I choose to challenge myself with a more challenging path.
Then are you shining now?
SAKURA: Ah—yes! (laughs) I feel like I’m in a good environment where I can try my best at everything I want to do and I’m happy because I’m with the other members and all the staff are great. That happiness won’t fade easily, no matter what anyone says. And I want to show everyone how much I’ve grown because I have never put in so much effort in my whole life. I still feel like I have further to go, but I’m shining bright.
Credit
Article. Rieun Kim
Interview. Rieun Kim
Visual Director. Yurim Jeon
Project Management. Haein Yoon, Jiyeon Lee
Visual Creative Team. Nu Kim, Yujoo Kim, Gabriel Cho, Yoon Cho (SOURCE MUSIC)
Photography. Hyea W. Kang / Assist. Heehyun Oh, Yonguk Shin, Jiwon Yang, Dongchan Lee
Hair. Yeojin Jang, Hamin (BIT&BOOT)
Makeup. Minji Kim (BIT&BOOT)
Stylist. Woomin Lee / Assist. Siyoung Choi, Gihyun Oh
Flower Styling. YIYUNJU (FLOWER PLEASE)
Artist Protocol Team. Ah Ri Kim, Nayeon Son, Jeong Ik Lee, Eun Joo Lee (SOURCE MUSIC)
You’re debuting for the third time, this time with LE SSERAFIM.
SAKURA: This feels different, for sure. The first time I debuted was in Japan when I was 13, but I was so young that I didn’t know anything about being an idol. But LE SSERAFIM will likely be my last debut and my last group, so I really want to do well.
You have already found quite a lot of success in both Japan and Korea. Still, it must have been a difficult decision to debut again outside of your home country.
SAKURA: I knew I wanted to keep being an idol. I’ve found so much joy in the relationship with my fans over the more than 10 years I’ve been an idol and I just thought about how I want to do as many performances as possible with them there. And I’m not yet fully satisfied with my own performances, so I wanted to show them something that shows more of the way I’m growing, too. I figured any path I chose would be difficult, and I thought I wouldn’t regret choosing this one. It was harder than I thought, though. (laughs) I actually didn’t go through a trainee period, so this was the first time I practiced this much for so long before debuting. I really think I needed the time. I took Korean lessons for the first time, and I took lessons to practice vocals and dance from the basics, which was nice. It was hard, but it was an important and meaningful time for me, looking back.
What was the hardest part?
SAKURA: Whenever I’m having a hard time, I usually think, This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But this time it really was the hardest thing. (laughs) When I was working as an idol, I was used to performing on stage for fans, but it’s different as a trainee, when it isn’t being shared with the world. I can’t believe how closely the fans paid attention to my performances—they would tell me I did a good job and give me detailed feedback. I was anxious about whether I was doing well or improving without hearing that kind of encouragement. It taught me how important it is to have fans. I want to show them what I can do now as fast as humanly possible.
Now that you have gone through all these tough new experiences like changing labels, studying Korean and being a trainee, what are you looking forward to showing to the world?
SAKURA: I would say the biggest challenge for CHAEWON and me was wanting to present something we’ve never shown before. If you look at the lyrics to “FEARLESS,” our debut song, that’s really about us. When I saw the lyrics, I thought, Why shouldn’t I be allowed to do what I want? To be honest, I think there are going to be people who will see the new me and feel confused and have a hard time accepting it. The lyrics even say, “Telling me to hide my desire, that’s weird.” I felt the same way throughout my 10 years of being famous.
SAKURA’s pants by sLosLowLee and shoes by Dr. Martens.
SAKURA: I wasn’t without my worries. People who have liked me till now could end up thinking, What happened to the Kkura I used to like? But people can’t always stick to the same thing, and their capacity for expressing themselves and the things they can say will change based on how old they are. I think the fact that I keep challenging myself makes me cool, plus I think trying new things is the only way to keep growing. Even if the way I look on stage has changed, I’m still the same old Sakura Miyawaki. The SAKURA who loves gaming won’t change—the only time I will change is when I’m on stage. I want to show people who I really am.
The way you look so confident and aloof in “FEARLESS” and do that low chant in the chorus without raising your voice is something we have never seen from you before.
SAKURA: The first time I heard the song, I was so happy that I screamed. (laughs) But it was the first time for me to try that style of song and choreography, so I was also worried whether I could handle it. I used to always try to use this beautiful singing voice, but the producer, 13, told me I had to really feel it if I was going to pull at peoples’ heartstrings, so I tried to think about the meaning of the lyrics and why it was we were singing this particular song while recording. The song is what we wanted to say for real, so even when we danced, the way we expressed ourselves and moved all felt natural. I feel like it’s the kind of performance where you don’t need to sugar-coat anything, just be yourself.
You pull off a high falsetto in the chorus for “Blue Flame,” even though it’s the first time for us to hear those kinds of vocals from you.
SAKURA: Let me just say that it was hard with all those English lyrics. (laughs) Since I’m studying English now and there were some hard parts in the song, I was really careful with my pronunciation. I got a lot of help from YUNJIN since she’s so good at English. And I used to mostly just practice Korean pop songs, but I have been practicing English pop songs for the first time ever since I came to this label, so the way I vocalize has changed and I have had different kinds of experiences with singing. I’ve always felt pressure about singing, so I was always nervous going into the recording studio, but now I think positive—This is so fun! I want to get even better—even when practicing for live performances.
How has it been getting ready for performances? There are countless moves in “Blue Flame” that draw from the basics, but at the same time I’m guessing you had to practice a lot in order to get the details lined up just right with the other members.
SAKURA: It took a long time for us to sync up when we practiced “FEARLESS” since it was our first time together, I guess. But after working on lining up our performances for that song so much, “Blue Flame” didn’t take long to practice, and all the details fell into place, even though we hardly had any training for it. And we all said, “We’re really becoming a team now!” (laughs) I have this huge iPad that we take videos with every day and we play it back and break it down slowly—seriously, second by second—and we work on anything we find where we aren’t matching up, so now my iPad is completely full of … there’re so many videos. (laughs) And sometimes we watch old videos together and say, “We got a lot better.” I’m almost always in the practice studio when I’m not sleeping, and that makes me feel like it’s all worthwhile. I’m really proud of all of us.
What did you and CHAEWON talk about while practicing with your new group? Even though you were in IZ*ONE together, too, some things must have been new to you since it’s in a different environment.
SAKURA: CHAEWON is so different now. There were several other, older members and even a leader when we worked together last time, so I never saw her talk about practice. But we’re the oldest ones in LE SSERAFIM, so we have to guide the younger members. I was still really surprised to hear something like, “This part isn’t working, so let’s practice it more,” coming from her, though, and I thought she was really cool when she said that. We didn’t talk much when we were getting ready for the debut, either, but we could understand each other with just a look. I told her there’s no way I ever could have come this far without her, and she said she felt the same way, which made me feel grateful. CHAEWON and I never really used to tell each other about the difficulties we were facing, but now we’re so comfortable that we can talk more and more about any difficulties or concerns we have even when we’re in front of the other members.
It sounds like the tight bond between all the members is what makes it possible to talk through the difficult parts.
SAKURA: It’s amazing how close we are and how well we get along even though we haven’t been practicing together long. (laughs) It took a little while for the members of the group to be decided. There were a couple times where we had a hard time with having to practice every single day even though we didn’t know when we could debut, too. But, looking back, I guess we had to have those hard times in order to get the six of us all together. If even one of us had chosen a different path, we never could have been able to get together. I could have been working in Japan, CHAEWON taking a different path, YUNJIN studying in the US—so I think it was fate. I used to have an individualistic side and a lot of people mistook me for being cold, but now I’m more interested in looking after the other members than myself, and it’s harder to watch them struggling with something than to struggle with it myself. As the oldest member, and the one with the most experience, I want to look after all of them.
Is there something you can tell the other members based on your own experiences?
SAKURA: I want to tell them how to deal with any difficulties or concerns they might face during the debut, since they might face things similar to what I did before. A lot of things get said about you when you’re in the spotlight. It was hard at first to see people who never even met me saying things about me without knowing whether they were true or not. But there’s a 2:6:2 rule. 20% of people like you no matter what you do, 60% make a judgment call after seeing what you do, and 20% will hate you no matter what. So the way I want to see it is, whatever you do, don’t listen to the people who hate you no matter what, and just show your hardworking side to the people who judge you fairly. You can’t change what’s already happened, but if you do your best with what you’ve got, you can turn those people’s attention into support, and I think that’s the kind of future I want to let them know about.
I imagine you have a lot of thoughts to share, having been active for so long. It’s well known that you like reading and watching movies, so much so that you said you want to write a novel about your experience with being an idol. Do you also find comfort in books and movies?
SAKURA: My parents send me popular novels from Japan a month, and I get a lot out of reading them whenever I have a little time to do it. Sometimes I wonder if my life is hard because I chose to be an idol, or if I could be happy doing anything else, but when I look into people living lives I never have, I realize that everyone has it hard during hard times and feels happy during the happy times. I think that’s why I like books and movies.
You also wrote a movie column in Japan. I was really impressed with your review of Close-Knit, where you said, “We need to develop a better understanding of lgbt culture.”
SAKURA: There was actually an atmosphere of caution around idols speaking their minds around that time. But I thought I could say that anyway. Idols don’t just sing and dance on stage—they can also be role models for people, and someone who is always by their side for others. So I wanted to let people know there were others with these kinds of thoughts, and I also thought that if an idol was talking about the issue that even more people could become aware of it, too. Some day our group might sing a song about love and I have this idea that I’d like to sing about love that’s universal.
The message of “FEARLESS” is to be fearless no matter what other people think. What do you think it means to be fearless?
SAKURA: I think being fearless means admitting to your flaws. I have them, too. I struggle at times; there are times when I cry; I get depressed sometimes, too. But I don’t think, Why am I feeling this way? I really shouldn’t! Instead, I think, I guess it’s that kind of day. I should just do my best. I think you can overcome your fears by acknowledging yourself. Nobody’s perfect.
This year is the 12th year of your career and I imagine you’ve had as many good times, professionally speaking, as difficult ones. How is it you’re able to get past your fears and keep going?
SAKURA: The biggest thing is having the fans. Seriously. Not being able to talk with the fans while preparing for the debut has been really hard. It felt like losing my best friend. Having a connection with the fans is amazing. To the point that I would want to perform even if I only had one fan left. And I feel like the stage is where I belong, so no one can stop me when I’m up there. People can see it all on the stage: how much I practiced, how serious I am about the performance. The fans love seeing that, so I can’t help but love to perform.
That makes me think of something you wrote in a review of the movie The Passion of Augustine: “Maybe the reason I became an idol was for the thrill, too. In the future, I want to have the courage to take a walk on the harder side, the somewhat more dangerous side of life.”
SAKURA: I would really regret it if I chose the easy way forward. I don’t want to feel like my shining past is all behind me. It might look like I used to shine brighter because everyone has a different perspective, but when I stop and think about it, I think I feel like I’m more mature now than ever before, so I choose to challenge myself with a more challenging path.
Then are you shining now?
SAKURA: Ah—yes! (laughs) I feel like I’m in a good environment where I can try my best at everything I want to do and I’m happy because I’m with the other members and all the staff are great. That happiness won’t fade easily, no matter what anyone says. And I want to show everyone how much I’ve grown because I have never put in so much effort in my whole life. I still feel like I have further to go, but I’m shining bright.
Credit
Article. Rieun Kim
Interview. Rieun Kim
Visual Director. Yurim Jeon
Project Management. Haein Yoon, Jiyeon Lee
Visual Creative Team. Nu Kim, Yujoo Kim, Gabriel Cho, Yoon Cho (SOURCE MUSIC)
Photography. Hyea W. Kang / Assist. Heehyun Oh, Yonguk Shin, Jiwon Yang, Dongchan Lee
Hair. Yeojin Jang, Hamin (BIT&BOOT)
Makeup. Minji Kim (BIT&BOOT)
Stylist. Woomin Lee / Assist. Siyoung Choi, Gihyun Oh
Flower Styling. YIYUNJU (FLOWER PLEASE)
Artist Protocol Team. Ah Ri Kim, Nayeon Son, Jeong Ik Lee, Eun Joo Lee (SOURCE MUSIC)
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