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My boss seriously hates me. She singles me out and tells me off for the same stuff other people get away with. Yesterday it just got to a point where I knew I couldn't cope if I went in. She's made my anxiety so much worse than it was already. I had my first attack since I started taking medication. Today is my return back to hell. Last day before I won't see her anymore.
I feel so jumpy like I always have to watch my back because she's going to pick me up on stuff I'm doing. Example: "You can't be on your phone around the young people, you need to watch them" when I have been catching up on the messages sent in our staff group chat by her. "You can't be sat in your room, you need to be watching the young people" when I am in my room in the forms where my group of young people are currently. I am there because I don't want to leave them unattended.
Do you seen my problem? I'm literally getting in trouble for nothing. I'm here to get paid, not to be treated like a child and spoken down to both in front of my other team members and in our group chat.
As soon as this job is over, I know I'll feel so much better. I can't wait.
I feel so jumpy like I always have to watch my back because she's going to pick me up on stuff I'm doing. Example: "You can't be on your phone around the young people, you need to watch them" when I have been catching up on the messages sent in our staff group chat by her. "You can't be sat in your room, you need to be watching the young people" when I am in my room in the forms where my group of young people are currently. I am there because I don't want to leave them unattended.
Do you seen my problem? I'm literally getting in trouble for nothing. I'm here to get paid, not to be treated like a child and spoken down to both in front of my other team members and in our group chat.
As soon as this job is over, I know I'll feel so much better. I can't wait.
ace
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pls don't respond
i don't understand why i hate myself so much. i hate my body, my habits, my face, literally everything. my attitude is not great either, which i'm trying to improve on, yet i keep blaming the people around me though it's really my fault. i sometimes look back at the things i have done and sometimes even cry because i hate myself even more. i sometimes even wonder why i have friends, and then second guess my friendship with those people and think that oh, they're just friends with me because they feel bad for me, or that they know i have a low self esteem so they just let me "tag along", if that makes sense. i constantly compare myself to others because in my mind, i truly think my other friends are much more nicer and prettier than me, so why would they be friends with me? i sometimes will just be doing something i enjoy, and then suddenly i remember how disgusting i am and that i shouldn't even be enjoying the things i like. this kind of mindset has prevented me from doing so many things. my self esteem is getting worse and worse and even tho i try to be confident nothing really works.
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Update: got fired because of her. Still get paid for the work I've done so far. I'm free from this shitty job. Fuck that.
Please don’t respond.
I’m at the point where I’ve gone through so many emotions that I’m just exhausted. I’m hoping this is the end of it and I can start feeling better.
I really am done.
I'm really going manic. can't focus on shit. wanna just get high
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Really feel like shit at the moment. What is even the point?
Doyoung
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im glad that im so much better, im grateful to my family and the doctors who pulled me through back then... but sometimes when i hit a slump i cant help but dread a little bit...
i havent actually fallen back into that old place, but its like... will i ever be free of having that ghost lurking?
and when i have a good period im like ok this is proof, the bad times always pass, so i try to cling to that
i havent actually fallen back into that old place, but its like... will i ever be free of having that ghost lurking?
and when i have a good period im like ok this is proof, the bad times always pass, so i try to cling to that
crying these people make me so stressed
edit: summer school is the worst decision i've ever made, im so exhausted
edit: summer school is the worst decision i've ever made, im so exhausted
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I'm doing my best to move on from last week's hell. Sometimes my mind will go into overdrive thinking about the real reasons everything happened but I'm telling myself I didn't do anything wrong really. I'm happier now I'm free. Hopefully, the further away from hell week I get, the happier I'll feel!
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stressed out, to the point where it's exhausting me, so much pressure on me to do everything right now.
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Doyoung
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I HATE how I am sometimes wrt interacting with people. Like, I don't want to pry, I don't want to be invasive, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by being nosy, because those are the things I dislike being on the receiving end of. BUT I am so over the top about it, in my tendency to avoid those things, I'm always neglecting people. And of course people are gonna think I dont care, if my behavior ticks every box. But honestly I cannot bring myself to bother people.
And I know it's cliche how everything goes back to the parents, but forreal, having an overbearing nosy mom really leaves a mark, and if I was more normal and had the capacity of finding healthy mediums maybe I'd manage better, but as it is, I'm just a sad adult with poor skills for expressing empathy/offering support because I'm just clumsy
And I know it's cliche how everything goes back to the parents, but forreal, having an overbearing nosy mom really leaves a mark, and if I was more normal and had the capacity of finding healthy mediums maybe I'd manage better, but as it is, I'm just a sad adult with poor skills for expressing empathy/offering support because I'm just clumsy
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I was down for days after I heard the news about Kang and Jihyo. My light has found her own light. I was thinking at first I was possessive about it for not moving about it but i realize something. The world we living aint fair, its just it happened that our worlds are not meant for each other. So yeah mentality, I was weak about it but after time passes, I just let it go. I just wanna tell you guys who reads this. Nothings gonna change the fact that your life is fcked up already the way it is. Its just you have to learn to move on, to accept and let your feelings get over you.
Its really hard when you find your ultimate bias, your crush, your life, your world has someone in her life. Well i'll just accept the fact and move on. Oh and btw, I aint stopping on loving her, even now she needs more support than ever. I just wanted to see her happy. Anyways, if you think your life sucks now think that children who were suffering right now without food or home. Theres always people who are suffering more than you ever think off so be grateful and live your life to the fullest!
shout out to mah boi @itsyaboiidon
Its really hard when you find your ultimate bias, your crush, your life, your world has someone in her life. Well i'll just accept the fact and move on. Oh and btw, I aint stopping on loving her, even now she needs more support than ever. I just wanted to see her happy. Anyways, if you think your life sucks now think that children who were suffering right now without food or home. Theres always people who are suffering more than you ever think off so be grateful and live your life to the fullest!
shout out to mah boi @itsyaboiidon
Doyoung
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Suddenly the sadness is overwhelming, like I'm being physically crushed, I'm tired and brittle
Doyoung
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I fell back into an old unhealthy habit, I had improved so much, and now I feel like all my progress was wasted.
Damn I needed this thread, just didn't expect it in the sport section lol
Thanks for making it ^^
Thanks for making it ^^
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Don't respond.
i don't understand why this month i've been so depressed and it's scaring me, before i was just alright but ever since july i've been getting worse and worse and i know it's not the medication because i didn't use to take my antidepressants back then either and my mood stabilizers were just alright.
maybe it's me overthinking or the fact that i do not move at all and i have lots of tasks to do and i'm just stressed because of a new school year. but the more i think about how i can't be going back to the starting point where i was just a mess i fall more and more. i have suicidal thoughts but there's not really anyone i can tell them to unless it's my therapist and she's still on break. i've also been thinking a lot about this past year and how i damaged myself so much to the point where i can't stand my own reflection or just the thought of me. why did i do that? the reason in my head was that i was too depressed to do shit but that's not the truth i was just fluctuating, i left things go bad because i wanted them to go bad and i just keep thinking how i just sabotaged myself maybe to get back to this point where i hate myself and i'm sad constantly. i don't know what's going on maybe it's just the sad counter part of my bipolarity kicking in but it came at the wrong fucking moment. either way i don't want this year to go to waste again. so fuck the odds of me being sad right now, i'm not letting this bitch ass mood take over again. but i want someone next to me, it'd be so much easier.
maybe it's me overthinking or the fact that i do not move at all and i have lots of tasks to do and i'm just stressed because of a new school year. but the more i think about how i can't be going back to the starting point where i was just a mess i fall more and more. i have suicidal thoughts but there's not really anyone i can tell them to unless it's my therapist and she's still on break. i've also been thinking a lot about this past year and how i damaged myself so much to the point where i can't stand my own reflection or just the thought of me. why did i do that? the reason in my head was that i was too depressed to do shit but that's not the truth i was just fluctuating, i left things go bad because i wanted them to go bad and i just keep thinking how i just sabotaged myself maybe to get back to this point where i hate myself and i'm sad constantly. i don't know what's going on maybe it's just the sad counter part of my bipolarity kicking in but it came at the wrong fucking moment. either way i don't want this year to go to waste again. so fuck the odds of me being sad right now, i'm not letting this bitch ass mood take over again. but i want someone next to me, it'd be so much easier.
Beefy
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I forgot how bad rejection makes me spiral. I should’ve never put myself out there and I never will again. Because it just fucking hurts, even the tiniest gesture of it. This is why I knew it’d be a bad idea to make another social media account. I can’t live without validation and the entire place is void of it. But I still looked up to that person and for them to blanatly ignore me has set me off. I’ll never forgive them, never.